Monthly Archives: March 2011

Blogs are shite. Discuss.

Sorry, bloggers, but they are. By and large, no-one leads a life, or has a viewpoint, which is so interesting that a) it warrants being recorded, or b) other people want to read about it.

Keeping a blog/diary is like joining a gym. In January there is a burst of enthusiasm which sees you religiously and eloquently pouring your innermost thoughts and dreams onto paper every evening. But come March your brain is only going once a week and even then it’s for a game of snooker or a shot in the jacuzzi or something.

Back in the 80’s, the German media (and later The Sunday Times) got hold of a stack of documents smuggled out of East Germany. It was claimed they were the war diaries of Adolf Hitler. But, after expert examination, the documents were exposed as fakes. But how could they be so sure? Possibly because these diaries made for interesting reading. Had they been the real deal they would probably have read something like…

1st September 1938

In meetings all day today. They are soooooooooooo boring. That Himmler character is such a nob. He never shuts up. Eva was there. She looked right at me. I so fancy her.

However witty and interesting you think you are, you’re probably not. The fact is, no-one can be that interesting 24/7, 365 days a year. Think of a really interesting person. Stephen Fry? Try harder. Past or present. Ghandi? Napoleon? What about Jesus? Now, that would be a diary worth reading, wouldn’t it? Maybe not…

4th March 32 A.D.

Me and Pete did another gig at the mount. Talk went quite well. Might re-work the “cheesemakers” gag though. That was Pete’s idea (i.e. rubbish). Mary M was there. She looked right at me. I so fancy her.

However well intentioned you are, blogs/diaries often fizzle out in summer when you’ve got better things to do with your time than stay indoors writing. The death knell being sounded when entries chronicle such fascinating topics as what you watched on TV that night, or what you had for dinner…

5th July 32 A.D.

Yum! Mum made fish in breadcrumbs for tea tonight. My total fave.

However, if you want to be a writer (like wot I do) then you need to keep your hand in. There’s a saying…

Writing is a muscle. The more you write, the stronger it becomes.

So, for me it’s metaphorically 1st January and my brain is currently bench pressing 120kg whilst being spotted by a muscley dude in garishly coloured baggy pants and a bandana.

You see? Utter shite.